Editor’s Note- Here’s a bit of prose from our good friend, Brian Harty, about the perks of being raised in a barn. Enjoy!
“Were you raised in a barn?” Yes, I was raised in a barn! I have degrees from Harvard and Yale and am the CEO of one of the top financial institutions in the country. My charitable foundation has raised millions of dollars for disadvantaged youth. I admit that I don’t know how to close a door. However, my upbringing has allowed me to accomplish much in my life.
Barns and people who were raised in them make important contributions to society. The brains of barn-raised folk develop differently from those raised in non-barn families. Researchers at the National Institute of Mental Health compared brain scans of barn folk and non-barn folk. The institute discovered that the inability to close doors is linked to the dooribus nonclosibus region of the brain located in the right hemisphere. This region allows barn folk the ability to stay open to possibilities. In order to combat the biased stereotypes against folks raised in a barn, I have compiled the following resource list for non-barn folks.
The Disadvantages of Being Raised In a Barn
The inability to close a door and, in many cases, open a door comes with some disadvantages. Privacy can be an issue. Imagine being at a house party and having to go number two and repeating “don’t come in” over and over because you can’t close the door. When you’re in a fight with your significant other, you can’t slam the door in their face. You need to ask, “Would you please slam the door and leave?” Many male barn-raised people get in trouble with their wives because they don’t close cabinet doors in the kitchen when putting away dishes or getting a snack. I can’t count the number of times I got stuck in a phone booth before cell phones were invented.
The Advantages of Being Raised In a Barn
Being raised in a barn has its advantages. Barn folk thrive with open floor plans. We seem to excel in workspaces that use cubicles rather than offices. However, when one reaches a position in the company where one achieves a corner office, it can be tedious when having to constantly ask clients to open and close the doors. The ability for barn folk to think creatively without borders allows for ingenuity and resourcefulness in any job. Many of our most creative entrepreneurs were raised in barns.
Jobs in which People Raised in a Barn Excel
-Forest Ranger
Reason: Plenty of open space
-Any job located in a tropical setting
Reason: Open floor plans in most jobs
-Fortune Teller
Reason: Usually have draped beads instead of doors
-Mime
Reason: Can pretend to open a door without actually having to open a door
-Demolition Men
Reason: We break doors down!
-Carpenter/Builder
Reason: Creativeness with building and good with tools. However, Barn folk may need to hire finishers to install the doors on houses.
-Any job having to do with hay- working with horses, baling hay, or stuffing scarecrows
Reason: We love hay!
-Any social work or personnel job
Reason: Our door is always open
-Musician
Reason: Endless possibilities for musical exploration. The stage is an open floor plan. Don’t ask us our feelings about the terrible band, the Doors! Exploration should have no doors!
-Working on a submarine- Least wanted job
Reason: Those doors are air-tight!
Tips for Working with People Raised in a Barn
-When walking into or out of a room with a person raised in a barn, ask if they wish the door opened or closed
-Consider installing revolving doors
-On job sites, use cubicles instead of offices
-Company cars should be Jeeps with no doors in warm climates
-Be mindful when closing doors around barn folk. We have a heightened feeling of claustrophobia in tight spaces
Famous People Who Were Raised in a Barn
Calvin Coolidge was raised in a barn. He was born in Plymouth Notch, Vermont, where he spent much of his youth playing with trains, baling hay, and milking cows in his family’s barn. Yet he ascended to the highest office in the land, making notable achievements in the advancement of civil rights.
John Belushi was raised in a barn on the outskirts of Chicago. The reduced barriers and hay in the barn when growing up allowed Belushi to hone his comedic pratfalls and be “open” to improvisational comedy.
The Three Stooges were raised in a barn. Have you ever seen them try to walk through a door? They can’t, and it’s hilarious!
The Dukes of Hazard were raised in a barn in Hazard County. No need for a door, just go through the window!
Famous Barns In History
In addition to the achievements made by people raised in barns, barns themselves have made unique contributions to humanity. Take, for instance, the old Michener barn of Vernon, Connecticut. During the winter of 1898, the town suffered a brutal fire that engulfed 40 houses, all due to a careless old mum who knocked over her wax candle while knitting. The townsfolk had no shelter and sought refuge in the old barn. That barn saved 50 townspeople. The townsman indeed suffered from frostbite because old man Michener couldn’t figure out how to close the barn door, but at least they had a roof over their head!
The Bird Farm of Glendale, Iowa, also saved many lives. In the drought of 1914, the Bird family was the only farming family in the area to store enough wheat to last several winters. People came from miles around to purchase much-needed sustenance. There was no trouble accessing the food. The barn doors were left wide open, making it easier for buyers to back up their automobiles to load wheat.
We barn folk have accomplished many things. The next time you say “were you raised in a barn?” to someone who can’t close a door, know that we who can’t close a door have made substantial contributions to society and should be treated with respect.
